smiti JAMILA

dreams of Persian delicacies and a roof where at sunrise the light on Earth shines brightest

jamilaproductions — Fri, 18 May 2012 10:00:36 -0600

dreams of Persian delicacies
and a roof where at sunrise
the light on Earth shines brightest

reading list #9

jamilaproductions — Wed, 16 May 2012 14:38:09 -0600

reading list #9

Hail storm during yoga class

jamilaproductions — Tue, 15 May 2012 23:58:58 -0600

Instructor: “Oh wow; it’s hailing!… Now, returning to the breath, not focusing on the hail…”

I focused on the hail.

Technology, the Mind

jamilaproductions — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 09:40:00 -0600

2004:

When we try to simplify the world [via technology], we complicate it on too many levels. The only complication of being human, that I sense, is the Mind. What to make of all the perceptions. One can’t always trust them. Extensions of our desires, often, bite back. It’s a simple existence, I want. A simple existence that involves only my one complexity.

We are, in the West, so in awe of our machines that we believe they alone are capable of discovering the truth. It does not seem to have occurred to many physicists that the reality unfolded in their research and theory might be experienced.

—Dr. Walt Anderson

A letter unsent

jamilaproductions — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 09:32:00 -0600

2 April 2004

(1) So it’s Friday, and who else should I think of?

I think I’ve told you before that my daydreams, my nap creations, provide far more provocative and disturbing images than any nightmare trip of mine. The visions are so very real, so raw, ungilded of armor and attitude. I am no Joan of Arc, I ride no stallion, I intimidate no men. Just honest attraction, seduction, my real bitch unearthed.

Yesterday, my catnap placed me on a staircase, mounting to the - guess! - Office, my co-editors behind me, my voice filling the blackness that comes from no lights on once the janitors have left. God, I was loud and ridiculous. My mind decided to satirize myself, the me on speed, the bubbly and efficient me. And once I opened the office door, I recognized the darkness. I’m… asleep… I thought. I was in the middle of the universe, or bounding towards a black hole, for all I knew. The fear. The thickness of the black, its weight against my invisible self. I flicked the light switch, (2) “reality” showed itself, slowly gaining brightness in my viewpath. As the comfort of the table, the window that overlooked a cityscape? came alive, my heart settled, my mind grew tired, numb, sad. There my future lay before me, the world illuminated by the limits of being human, of coming after a generation that has set boundaries that have tickled down the puffy cheek of this victim Earth Time.

That the colors, the laws remain constant leads me to (rather than accept) distrust. I guess I “expect the unexpected.” I look up when I drop something. Rather, I don’t look, or bend to pick it up. Just keep doing what I do. Hope someone shall wait on me, remove the burden of taking care of myself. I couldn’t sing because at the end of the day, I couldn’t live for my vocal chords. Being me is letting my physical health fall to shambles, whilst my mind plays. Constantly I can mistreat myself all I want because these words will probably only flow more.

I prefer the pain. The darkness. I’m not God, my illuminations cannot define existence. Life is something I haven’t the right to begin or end, (3) and I only take the liberty, the pleasure, of toying with it, with other lives. It’s all just a game? Isn’t everything a game, a contest, a fight to not just survive, but survive the best. Well, we mastered the art of survival, in the physical sense, long ago. But mentally - and our minds are what make us these confused, depressed, misled homo sapiens - we’re so lost. Not in space. Out of space.

Too many of us functioning in periods of time too small. Granted, to coexist, we need to simplify, but efficiency only makes this world more complicated. Our search for order has led to more chaos. All we really want is entropy. Least I do… and I am “crazy” for that. But what the hell is this world before me? When I close my eyes, everything makes sense. I escape into my true haven. Nothingness. Except - and this is my problem - during my moments of mania, I skip the sleep. We insomniacs are the most selfish, manipulative bastards of this Earth. We become so involved in ourselves and our world, we lose touch with the unreality, the other World, whereforth we sprung.

Photo

jamilaproductions — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 14:53:07 -0700

ALL I KNOW, I am light

jamilaproductions — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 14:52:31 -0700

I was born in the desert, so I shall lay down and die there as well. Grain for grain, I am the sand, the parts, the whole.

There is light in me, as there is light on the dunes by day and night, sun and moon, stars near and far.

The Moon

Some say it is controlled by others. I believe it is what it is and I do not know other than light.

One day I may. For now all I know is I am light like moon on the dunes.

"The story goes that Albert Einstein liked to sleep 10 hours a night - unless he was working very..."

jamilaproductions — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 13:48:14 -0700

“The story goes that Albert Einstein liked to sleep 10 hours a night - unless he was working very hard on an idea; then it was 11. He claimed that his dreams helped him to invent.”

- Great People Sleep Less? (via jamilaproductions)

Saint Valentine

jamilaproductions — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 16:15:00 -0700

Turmeric, mint, chili, garlic, oregano, parsley

Valentine’s Day,

and a funeral for a crow

Dark clouds threatened but turned peacefully
to leave a blanket of quiet snow

"You feel resistance because your body does not know it can make a choice that is not painful."

jamilaproductions — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:25:50 -0700

“You feel resistance because your body does not know it can make a choice that is not painful.”

- Carrie of Hot Yoga Downtown, Albuquerque, NM

If only you dear children had also been reading Gore Vidal at age 15in-between breaks of brewing...

jamilaproductions — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 17:33:00 -0700

If only you dear children had also been reading Gore Vidal at age 15
in-between breaks of brewing coffee,
then you might not be so surprised at the turn of events in our world today.

If only you had in your golden youth the propensity to sniff danger in the air,
rather than awkwardly sticking your faces in plastic cups of booze,
and the nether regions of the opposite sex.

If only my cynicism hadn’t grown so strongly.
But, I dare say, no warning of mine could have rattled the Earth.

Our fate was inevitable, either choice of hobby.
Perhaps I would have been better off drinking.

Except:

If I had not already succumbed to the wave of cynicism
after watching optimism, my birth right, die,
I would never have had to fight my way out of it,
nor happen upon the wisdom that is neutrality.

Thrive: What on Earth Will It Take

jamilaproductions — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 18:04:00 -0700

Watch here.

This documentary has a lot going for it. Its sources are fantastic. Its research is deep. Its message profound.

It also has a few things going for it that will certainly prevent certain individuals from seriously entertaining it:

(1) A Science Fiction Bent. Yes, it talks about aliens. It “goes there.” But it does so with an open mind to all possibilities, rather than the fanaticism we see on, say, Ancient Aliens, which would be entirely inappropriate. Are we so self-centered as a species that we can’t accept an honest discussion about extraterrestrial life? Even the Vatican has released a statement condoning a belief in aliens (no doubt in attempt to update the Catholic Church’s image with a scientific inevitability - their war against science is a losing battle).

(2) Cheesy Production. Its production is certainly challenging at first. The effects and music are an obvious deliberate attempt to add drama. But I think the intentions are pure, and we can be forgiving. I work in a creative industry, and I know from personal experience how a visual concept, in all its metaphorical and symbolic glory, can fall flat once executed. To this film’s credit, though, a sci-fi model does work thematically, when we consider the actual points it makes. After getting over my initial embarrassment (it’s our own embarrassment at watching something bad that gets us, right?), I rather liked it. The visuals are entirely effective.

(3) Idealism. This is the real doozy: The overall message is perhaps too grand for some to conceptualize, because it deals with a basic facet of human nature we have yet to reconcile with: whether we are inherently good or bad.

In attempting to discover what is wrong with the world, this film proposes that, if we can conquer these issues, the world that we will find ourselves in afterward will appear utopian by comparison. This probably looks like bullshit to many. We are taught to reject idealism from an early age - pretty much once our beliefs in Santa and the Easter Bunny are squashed. Darwin tells us that this world is the survival of the fittest, and the extension of that is the conclusion that human nature is inherently not good enough to allow us to coexist peacefully. But we need to remember that, although Darwin proposed a fantastic new model of evolution, his model alone is still not enough to fully explain the origins of man, specifically how our brain has developed. The more bones we unearth from the ashes of the earth, and the deeper we probe our own minds, the more perplexing our developmental history truly is. We aren’t taught these mysteries in grade school. Rather than experiencing Darwin as the theory it is, factional and vulnerable to criticism, it tends to be shoved down our throats as final, prevailing proof that God doesn’t exist and we live in a straight and linear world, one that doesn’t surprise us. And yet, if we actually took the time to research our own world more thoroughly, we would find that this world surprises us again and again, because we know so little about it.

What we do know is this: humans have an immense capacity for positive and negative emotions. We are just as capable of violence as we are love and compassion. Or are we? Because it seems to me like love and compassion are much stronger in most people than their darker sides, and not because of fear for retaliation; it is a pure and natural desire for happiness that creates positive emotions and actions. Whatever love is, it’s VERY real. Philosophers have contemplated whether it evolved as a mechanism of defense in a cruel world - mothers protect children, fathers protect families, extended families or villages protect each other. But this does not explain the compassion we feel for people who are completely unrelated and perhaps continents away from us; nor does it explain our compassion for animals, particularly those who, instinctively, we should fear. (Marilynne Robinson’s Absence of Mind has a great section on this topic) While many cynics try to suggest that without laws and an armed government, the people would crumble into anarchy and chaos, I only have to look around at my friends, neighbors and family to admit: No. We would continue functioning without assaulting, cheating, stealing and generally being bad people, because we are, inherently, “good people,” people who find happiness in human relationships that depend on honesty and goodwill. Conditioning is powerful stuff, but that would imply that all people would be destitute without the conditioning. We see love, compassion and immense cooperation amongst remote populations of people all over the world, many who have had zero contact with the Western world until recently. If they can cooperate and thrive in such primitive conditions, why can’t we? Why are we so selfish despite our many comforts?

We encounter examples of human selfishness on a regular basis - we are taught to believe that, living in Darwin’s world, we can’t escape our primitive need for “survival,” which has become a loose concept applying to anything we think we need, since everything can be boiled down to the basic level reproduction; money, power and all material things are our vain attempts to impress our mates and build our empires. Apparently, we are told, ALL humankind has behaved this way for ALL history. But this is simply not true. Science prefers simple explanations - the simpler the better. But simpler isn’t always true. Let’s analyze human behavior on a smaller scale. If it is in our nature to form a hierarchy, it would occur in all facets of our lives, including our “private” lives. What we find in looking closely at our private lives is a nation-wide movement spreading to REJECT such a hierarchy. What we find are women and homosexuals and interracial couples fighting for their rights to be not just “equal,” but more specifically, equal to the “norm” prescribed by our society. We also find more evidence that the “bad” behavior we see in others is often a side effect of some sort of mental disease, rather than a healthy dose of natural violence and aggression. Given the toxic environment we live in today, I suspect such diseases are proliferating, and that’s not a comment on human nature; it’s a sign of how unhealthy our planet is. It is our society - made up of government, media and business - that prescribes the norm, and it is the people who are fed up of having to choose between being ostracized or forced into submission. It appears that we instinctively wish to be equal with our partners, as equal as possible with our children, and equal with other citizens; we mostly desire to live in a cooperative way that promotes unlimited growth and accepts us for the people we truly are, because we know our true natures are no threat to anyone else. Regardless of what we are taught and what our stance is on world peace, we intuitively know that if we were allowed to live as we are without restriction or judgment, we wouldn’t hurt others.

If that is what we innately desire, what is stopping us? First of all, we are mere citizens. We do not make the laws. We vote, but we vote for preselected candidates in an election we have nothing to do with. In essence, we have no direct control over how our country is run. However, in numbers alone, we should, in theory, have the capacity to topple anything we want. We don’t, because we aren’t able to spread the message and mobilize enough of us to action. Not because the end goal doesn’t appeal to the vast majority of us; but because most of us have been successfully conditioned to believe that it’s not possible. That it’s ideal. That we as individuals are powerless. And that, in fact, is a topic discussed in the film - how our education and media train us to judge and fear anything outside of our status quo. I believe this is an inherent quality in all people to some degree - fear of the unknown has helped us to survive, but this fear is so primitive, and so based on a specific context (life or death) that we can overcome it - we have had to, in order to develop into such dramatically different beings than our apparent origins. But if this nature of ours is encouraged, nurtured, allowed to proliferate during our development, the conditioning can be difficult to shake.

And that appears to be the case. Ideals are just that - ideals. Ideals are for fools.

Never mind that the major innovators of our history were ridiculed in their time, just as we ridicule new ideas today. Never mind that the major social movements in the past century were considered idealistic in their time, but eventually succeeded.

Never mind that we accept vast changes in power, empires and lifestyles as the course of history in textbooks we read in school. Just as WE are on the verge of experiencing ourselves. IF we would accept that history continues.

Three days ago was a time for decay the furnace of my lungs releasing their toxic load; my...

jamilaproductions — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:34:31 -0700

Three days ago was a time for decay

the furnace of my lungs releasing their toxic load;

my senses, dulled by wine, wept to see their fate

Two days ago was a time for resolution

an addictive sleep following a promise laid;

rest to seep, faith permeate

One day ago was a time for awakening…

Photo

jamilaproductions — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 01:25:26 -0700

What is it when I find the mere thought of words so comforting The thoughts themselves turning...

jamilaproductions — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 22:01:43 -0700

What is it when I find the mere thought of words so comforting

The thoughts themselves turning inside out -
collapsing into observations on language

Is it a distraction?

Is it a measure of control?

Is it an overthought?

Or is it merely a joy in art -

the art of language,
which we take for granted each time we fail to use an adverb,
or apply the wrong punctuation

- the mother of all arts

“I can find no way to paint hands and faces quickly, though I often go to a lot of trouble to...

jamilaproductions — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 22:25:00 -0700

“I can find no way to paint hands and faces quickly, though I often go to a lot of trouble to make it look like I can.” —Robert Genn

Hands and faces

The major platforms of our our souls in this physical world.

Naturally, we find them difficult to emulate.

They focus on her assetsland, territory, gold, libraries,and the question of her beauty Though they...

jamilaproductions — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 21:55:00 -0600

They focus on her assets
land, territory, gold, libraries,
and the question of her beauty

Though they will never find an answer

They are asking the wrong questions

Wondering where she is, now
and searching every crypt and sandy crevice

When she is in fact now thousands of miles away
breathing over a table of contents
and brought to tears by the weight of her past

I prefer my coffee in late afternoon

jamilaproductions — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 22:52:02 -0600

And wine and hookah, well, anytime

But these words come when they come

and I release them in an exhale

barely able to catch my breath

as the heart pumps my blood at a ferocity

otherwise unknown

"Suddenly, as rare things will, it vanished."

jamilaproductions — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 22:56:10 -0600

Elizabeth Barrett Browning says.

Each night I awaken from the mist of meaning, and profound words formulate,

and I repeat them,

but fail to write;

and so,

When I awaken each morn,

I resume daily consciousness essentially where I left off before falling asleep,

only to realize as rain pours onto my body in the shower,

that I hit upon something momentous

but now forget the words,

retaining only,

that feeling.

reading list #8

jamilaproductions — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 11:22:33 -0600

reading list #8